ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
