love makes seman taste better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
