I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
