is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
