he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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