So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
