Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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