I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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