All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
