big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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