I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
