Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
