New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
