we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
