OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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