i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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