operation have a gay friend backfired
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
