so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
