Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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