i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
