Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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