So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
