Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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