I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
