Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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