Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize