Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
These tits shall not be calmed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
