Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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