true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
