I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
