It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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