it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
