Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
