Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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