Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
