I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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