Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
