I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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