he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
