fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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