The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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