Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm just crazy horny about you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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