I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
