there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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