Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
