Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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