Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
