i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
