God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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