using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
