I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
