So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
