I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
