sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
