Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
