You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
