i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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