sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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