They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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