I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
