Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
