3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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