I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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