Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
