I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
