Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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