Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
