I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
