you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
