If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
